During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well I just put wine in my tea
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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