I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
