do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
