yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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