Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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