i may or may not be watching the land before time
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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