I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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