Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
