I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
