His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
