dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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