you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
