I just made out with a guy for $7.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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