i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
