Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
