Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
