Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
