wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
