I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
