We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
