so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
