Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
