pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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