And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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