well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
