I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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