So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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