Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
