Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
