You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
