Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
