I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
