you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
