I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
