I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
