you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
