jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
