called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
