Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
