so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
