And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
