We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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