it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
