I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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