Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
