I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
