hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
