I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
