Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
