so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
