I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
