I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
