I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i've created a new STD.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
